Get ready, I'm spiralling. Hop on the slide and let's go!

Some people make pro-con lists. I prefer con-pro lists.

Con: A friend and I talked last night. When speaking metaphorically she was sympathetic to my need and thus really illustrating her support. Then I got more direct, and she ripped me a new one. Contradicting everything she'd said in the 30 minutes previous. I'm not sure we'll ever be friends again. And I'll likely lose another friend out of it (as soon as he reads this next part). And she asked me to stop talking about her to other people. So here I am, posting it online for all of you. That's right, girl, I'm giving you a big Fuck Right Off here on little ineb's rant corner.

Pro: This crisis allowed me the opportunity to panic and run to Lydia for support. We stayed up late talking and watching a movie. I felt better.

Con: I hardly slept and woke up feeling worse about the whole thing.

Pro: I had an interview this morning. It went well and I'm excited about the job.

Con: So it'll hurt that much worse when they call at the end of the week to say they can't hire me because someone else was more qualified with skills not even mentioned in the job requirements, but I gave such a good interview that I should apply for their job openings in the future.

Pro: All my co-workers thought my interview get-up was fabulous. I love my new wardrobe.

Con: Once I dropped my cool calm collected facade post-interview, I realized I felt like hammered-shit. I haven't hurt like this since that hangover from the Dubliners drinking night.

Pro: So I went home from work early to take a nap.

Con: I tried to call the one friend who could help me with last night's dilemma, to help me find a way to keep the friend I will lose as soon as he reads this, if he even reads this far, and I had the wrong number for her. I don't feel I can resolve this until I have her input, so I carry it like a lead weight in my heart.

Pro: The morning's rain had finally stopped, so I was dry as I sat calling her from the bus stop.

Con: At home I remembered to call the bill collector I can never reach cuz they stop answering the phone at 4pm. See, at first they charged me 10% of each counseling appointment, $10, and the rest to my insurance company. Since my copay with my insurance is 10%, I thought this meant my appointments were covered. Alas, they are not, and now that the claims haven't gone through, I realize I owe $700. I realize I can't afford to continue therapy. This heightens the depression. How the fuck am I suppose to pay $100 an appointment when I make $400 dollars a week, when it took me 3 years of university employment to get to that rate? People who make enough to pay $100 probably aren't so depressed as to be in need of that expensive of therapy.

Pro: My favorite motivational comedic speaker was in town.

Con: I got a blister walking home from his show. And I fear this week is only getting worse. I figure it'll continue into this depressing wind-down until Saturday night I get hit by a truck and die.

Pro: Charlie said I'm not allowed to die on his birthday. It would make him start drinking again. I had no idea he gave a shit about me; that's nice.

Con: I think I still want the truck to hit me anyway.

Pro: The equinox is in less than an hour. I love autumn.

I should stop there.